Parent support
The problems that parents have with their children, keep them occupied day and night. It is hard, because there are confusing emotional feelings. There is attachment. The parents are always part of the problems. They might feel disappointment with their children and push them away emotionally. At the same time they feel guilty about this. The support from an expert can help to reduce the uncertainty. It might help them to try out new tactics. Then it is possible to find ways to come closer to their children again and not only to accept them as they are, but to support them effectively.
The first goal in therapy must be the creation of space for (practical) thought and the search for ways of coping with difficult situations. The family members must take some distance from the problems. Otherwise they will end up in a vicious circle of negativity, which will push them all further into a crisis. They will cope less flexible in order to stop bad behaviour or to fulfill their own needs. Anxiety will grow and when the situation is so stresfull, new problems are sure to occur. The quality of solutions will get less. Such impulsive actions might even result in child abuse.
The need for immediate action makes it impossible for parents to choose a better solution. They have made up their minds about the situation and they know just one way to cope with it. Usually it is a repetition over and over without real results, at least not in the long run. It probably seems to them that they are effective and they are instantly rewarded, because the ennoying behaviour they want to stop, indeed stops for the moment. Bur only for the moment though. The parents feel all the more unable to cope with the difficult behaviour of their children. There are many specialists who make things worse even: they criticize parents, instead of showing them more effective ways of coping.
The parents need someone to support them and to teach them step by step how to achieve small successes. Then there will be positive feelings of their compitance and they will also start to believe in the development of the children. We have to hope and be optimistic. All children can grow in the right direction!! We have to give them credit! Parents have to realise that they play the most important role in their children's life and that they do have the skills to provoke development! They will understand that they cannot change all difficult behaviour at the same time, but they will know that all behaviours will take their turn.
There are three intervention procedures:
♥ Intervention in order to change the child's behaviour - we call that remediating.
Specialists and parents work with the children in order to teach them skills. The goal is to change their behaviour, teaching them language, signs, to get dressed, fine movement like the cutting with a pair of scissors, etc.
♥ Parents learn to interprete their child's behaviour differently - redefining.
Parents might think that for instance.the child shuts doors in order to break their nerves. They will learn to understand here that this is not the case. The child's only incentive is enjoying the shutting of doors, for instance because of the sound that it makes. It is very important also for parents to learn to see the reasons why their child gets angry.
♥ The parent changes his behaviour towards the child - reeducation
The parent learns ways to help their child with educational tasks, and also with social situations. Another example here is to learn effective ways to cope with for instance the child's rage.
Most specialists work mostly with the first form of intervention: they work with the child in order to change him.
At the Autism Center we emphasize the redefining and the reeducation as welll as remediating. We believe that parents have an infinite number of opportunities, that we cannot neglect, to support their children. Besides that, when a parent knows how to influence them in a positive way, seeing results, he will start to enjoy them more and feel more confident in their development. That will show immediately in the behaviour of their children!
